I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
