I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
