I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
