She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize