OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My ass is underappreciated
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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