yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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