And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
