He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
