pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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