So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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