She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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