I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
