At least make sure they are 18
Why
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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