found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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