A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
