Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
