I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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