Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
