i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
