What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize