i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
FUCK WHALES
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