Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
