I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize