just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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