New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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