dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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