I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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