I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
