In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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