I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize