Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
