she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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