I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
