I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
