I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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