Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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