Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
