the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
