cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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