you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
