Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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