mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
