ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
