We need to rekindle our bromance
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
