Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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