Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
