We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
