It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
