How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
