I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
