this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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