I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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