I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Everyone says I win the strip club
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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