It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
