Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
