why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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