I want to walk on stilts...naked
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
