Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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