Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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