Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize