I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I love you. Go after that dick
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
