I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
