Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just cut my nipple shaving
The best revenge is premature balding
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
