i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize