youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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