Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Farmville is her only friend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
