You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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