forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
