im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We talked him into tasing himself.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I love you.
Bad choice
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