Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
