Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think i have herpe
just one?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
