I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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