This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
