I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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