no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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