dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
