I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
