i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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