i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
