Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hate all girls vehemently.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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